How to Do Therapy by Yourself: Simple Steps for Real Change

Most people think therapy means sitting across from a stranger with a notepad. But you can actually do a lot of this work by yourself—no fancy couch required. A bunch of people use self-therapy because it's cheaper, private, or just feels less awkward. You don’t need a psychology degree to get started.

The first step? You’ve got to get real with yourself. This means paying attention to what actually bothers you. Try writing it down or even talking to yourself out loud. Sounds strange, but it helps cut through the noise in your head. Self-help books often say this is key—just being honest, no sugarcoating, no pretending things are fine if they're not.

• What Is Self-Therapy?
• Why People Try Therapy on Their Own
• Start with Honest Self-Checks
• Tips from Popular Self-Help Books
• Tracking Progress and Dealing with Setbacks
• Knowing When to Get Extra Help

What Is Self-Therapy?

So, what does it actually mean to do therapy on your own? Self-therapy is when you work through your mental and emotional struggles without a therapist sitting across from you. You're basically doing the job of helping yourself understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors so you can feel better and handle life in a healthier way.

This isn’t just talking to yourself in the shower or flipping through a motivational book. Self-therapy is about taking actual steps to dig into problems, reflect on your patterns, and try out new ways to cope. The most important part? Being consistent—even when it feels slow or tough.

Here are some things people do in self-therapy:

• Journaling about thoughts, feelings, and habits
• Following exercises from self-help books
• Setting clear, realistic goals for change
• Practicing mindfulness or meditation techniques
• Questioning negative self-talk and challenging automatic thoughts

Thanks to the internet, more folks use self-therapy tools now than ever. A Pew Research Center study in 2023 found that 41% of US adults said they’d tried some form of self-therapy, whether it’s books, apps, or guided exercises at home.

The cool thing is, you can try different approaches to see what sticks. Some use a combo—like jotting feelings in a notebook and running through exercises found in solid self-therapy guides. The bottom line: there’s no right or wrong way to start, but being honest with yourself, giving things a fair shot, and sticking to it make a big difference.

Why People Try Therapy on Their Own

You’ve probably heard that seeing a professional is the gold standard, but there are actual reasons so many folks go for self-therapy instead. Cost is a big one. In the U.S., a single therapy session can easily cost over $100—and insurance doesn’t always cover it. A 2023 survey by Verywell Mind found that 39% of people skipped therapy purely because of the price. That’s a huge chunk of the population facing mental health problems on their own.

Privacy matters, too. Plenty of people just don’t want to spill personal stuff to a stranger, no matter how nice or “qualified” they might seem. It can also feel awkward or even embarrassing to open up, especially for topics like anger, family issues, or breakups. Doing therapy alone gives you a zero-judgment zone.

• Control and flexibility: You pick your own pace and tools. You can try stuff from books, apps, or even social media, and change it up if it’s not working.
• Time and convenience: Schedules get busy. Not everyone can carve out an hour during the work day for an appointment, but most people can spend 10 minutes on their own at night.
• Accessibility: In some towns, there aren’t any licensed therapists nearby. And waiting lists can be weeks or months long.

People also try therapy by themselves because they’re curious—maybe they want to see if they can solve small problems before things get serious. And for personal growth, a lot of folks say it feels cool to learn about their own minds and break old habits using self-help methods.

So if you’re thinking of working through things by yourself, you’re definitely not odd—tons of people are on the same path. What matters most is that you actually take those first steps.

Start with Honest Self-Checks

This part is where real progress happens, but it doesn’t look pretty. Self-checks mean turning the spotlight on what’s actually going on inside your head. One Harvard study found that people who regularly reflect on their feelings have lower stress and better focus. So, why does this work? When you stop ignoring tough stuff, you get a shot at changing it.

Here’s how you can start doing honest self-checks, even if you’ve never done anything like this before:

• Write every day: Use a notebook or a note app. Jot down what set you off, what made you happy, or moments you felt totally blank.
• Ask yourself direct questions: "What am I really feeling right now?" or "What made today harder than it had to be?" Don’t let yourself get away with safe answers.
• Use voice memos: Not everyone likes writing. Try talking to your phone. You might be surprised at how much comes out when you start rambling.
• Use simple mood tracking apps: Apps like Daylio or Moodpath let you log how you feel in seconds. The trick is to do it consistently, not perfectly.

This isn’t about getting dramatic or overanalyzing every weird thought. The goal is to spot patterns. Maybe you notice every Monday you feel extra stressed, or you keep brushing aside certain worries.

Some folks like numbers and facts, so here’s a quick snapshot of how daily check-ins stack up against nothing at all:

The numbers don’t lie—the more honest you are, the more you notice where things need to change. This sets you up for the next steps: figuring out what actually helps and spotting BS stories you might be telling yourself about stress, habits, or relationships.

And remember, self-therapy doesn’t start with big goals or big sessions. It starts with these honest, no-filter check-ins. That’s where you start building real self-awareness and progress in self-therapy.

Tips from Popular Self-Help Books

If you’re looking for straight-up advice, self-help books are packed with stuff you can use in your daily life. One of the standouts is “Feeling Good” by Dr. David Burns. He talks a lot about something called cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT for short. Basically, it’s a way to spot the little lies you tell yourself (“I always mess up”; “Nobody likes me”) and flip them into more honest thoughts. Write your worrisome thoughts down, then ask yourself—if a friend said this, would you believe it or challenge them?

Another favorite is “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. He’s all about staying present instead of losing yourself in regrets or stressing about the future. It sounds simple, but just focusing on what’s actually happening, right now, can calm your brain down when things feel out of control.

• Journaling is a technique you’ll see in a lot of self-help stuff. Just ten minutes of writing can help dump stress and make confusing feelings clearer.
• Gratitude lists are everywhere too. Jot down three things you’re thankful for each day. Doesn’t matter how small—good coffee, a sunny morning, your favorite hoodie. People use this to train their brain to notice what’s working in life instead of always spotting what’s wrong.
• Another classic tip: break big problems into small steps. Like, if “fix my life” feels overwhelming, just zero in on sleeping better or texting a friend back. Momentum matters more than dramatic change all at once.

Lots of these books—think "Atomic Habits" by James Clear—emphasize starting small and building up. Want to feel better? Don’t try to overhaul everything in a week. Focus on one tiny, repeatable action, then stack on more when you're ready. The real secret is making it easy enough that you’ll actually stick with it. If you’re exploring self-therapy, these tips aren’t just popular—they’re research-backed and practical for anyone.

Tracking Progress and Dealing with Setbacks

If you want your self-therapy to actually make a difference, you need to track what’s working and what’s not. Think of it like going to the gym—if you don’t keep track, it’s easy to lose track (or get lazy). This isn't just about feeling better; it’s seeing real changes.

The simplest way is to keep a journal. Every day or week, write down how you’re feeling, what you did, and what bugged you. Over time, patterns start to show up. Was that meditation thing working? Did talking to a friend help? This helps you notice both the wins and the stuff that keeps tripping you up.

Apps can help too. Some popular ones like Moodfit or Daylio let you tap in your mood and make notes—super fast, zero judgment. There’s even research from the University of California, Davis (2022) showing people who track their feelings regularly see about a 30% improvement in managing stress over just two months.

Now, setbacks suck—they really do. One bad day can make it all feel pointless. But setbacks are totally normal. According to anxiety expert Dr. Judson Brewer:

"Progress in mental health is rarely a straight line. Tracking setbacks and analyzing why they happen is just as important as celebrating wins."

• Review your notes and spot what triggered the setback.
• Remind yourself—even setbacks mean you’re paying attention.
• Don’t trash your whole routine for a single bad day; get back on track tomorrow.

This isn’t about being perfect. Anyone into self-therapy deals with ups and downs. Treat yourself like you would a friend: patience over punishment. Give yourself the credit and space to improve at your own pace.

Knowing When to Get Extra Help

Self-therapy is great for lots of stuff, but it can't fix everything. Sometimes problems hit you harder than you can handle on your own. Stats show that nearly 1 in 5 adults in the US faces mental health issues each year, and about half of them never reach out for help. There’s no trophy for toughing it out alone—sometimes real progress means calling in backup.

Here are clear signs it’s time to get extra help:

• You feel hopeless most days, or things seem pointless.
• Your sleep or eating are way off—like insomnia or hardly eating at all.
• Nothing brings you joy, even stuff you used to love.
• You can’t focus at work or at home, and daily tasks feel impossible.
• Thoughts of hurting yourself or ending your life come up.
• Drinking, drugs, or other unhealthy habits are getting worse.
• Friends or family keep saying they're worried about you.

Look, mental health pros are trained for stuff self-help can't touch, especially when it comes to safety. Even virtual therapy apps or hotlines are better than staying silent. There’s a myth that asking for help makes you weak—it’s actually what strong people do.

Don’t wait for things to hit rock bottom. If you recognize these signs or just feel stuck, consider reaching out. Getting a routine check-in from a pro can go right alongside your self-therapy habits—it’s not either/or. Sometimes a fresh set of eyes is all you need to see things differently.